I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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