she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
