Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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