I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
