I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
