After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My ATM looks so different sober.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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