I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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