Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
