he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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