I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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