i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
