i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
