SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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