Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
