o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
