I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
