Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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