Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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