I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
