so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
