final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
