remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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