if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
