He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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