Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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