so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
