i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
