Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
