i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
