i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
