Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Im part way to drunk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Who died my cat blue again?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
