he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
