Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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