i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
two words: eviction party
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
