It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
