Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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