the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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