imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
