I skipped work to stalk him.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
