There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
