he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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