why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
