and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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