I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
