I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
