How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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