I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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