thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
