Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
