You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
